Is Anybody Listening?
I have begun to wonder if we in America are losing the art of listening to other people. This may seem like an odd topic for someone who is an inveterate story-teller and would like to be heard, but I feel we all need our turn.
Should you be wearing this sign?
Several years ago I had complained to a co-worker one day about all the men who ran our company and would stop by my office, one by one, ask how I was and then launch into telling me how wonderful they were and what good jobs they were doing and what hobbies they had without so much as allowing me the opportunity to answer the question they opened the session with.
My friend and co-worker went back to his office and emailed me a song he had in his collection. I burst out laughing so loud when I listened to it that I had people run from all directions to find out what was so funny. I had to demur with “Oh nothing” since I didn’t know how to explain what was so hysterical about the song I Wanna Talk about Me by Toby Keith. In case you need your memory refreshed about the lyrics I’ve included a link here to a YouTube video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HxUuDPNbkJk
I would have loved to play it for the guys I worked for or at least suggested don’t ask the question “How are you?” if you aren’t going to listen to the answer.
Is this the new standard?
It’s like everyone is so hungry to be heard, to impress others and share every incredible or horrible thing that has happened to them, it has stopped occurring to people the same is true for the friends they want to chain to listening.
- Lately, have you talked to anyone who rambled on about themselves at length and when you tried to interject anything about yourself they ignored it like it was never said and continued on about themselves?
- Or have you started to tell someone about something and they’ve cut you off with what they thought was a much better story about themselves and never listened to yours?
- Have you stubbornly stuck with trying to get a word in edgewise only to realize each of you is having a circular monologue that never intersects and there’s really no communication at all, just talking with no response from the other?
- Has your friend told a story and instead of hitting the salient points chosen to start when dinosaurs roamed the earth and cover every point from then to present so you never have a chance to talk?
This is what inevitably led me to writing a book. I had a story to tell and nobody was listening.
If you’re up on stage it’s okay to expect your audience to quietly sit and listen with rapt attention and no comments. When you’re sitting across the table it’s a different story.
It seems to be happening more and more frequently that I realize the “friend” I’m talking with has no interest in anything I have to say. I find my mind wandering because it’s boring to listen with no chance of contributing or being heard. I tire of always being one upped. I steadily get more annoyed that once again I’m talking to someone who wants to go on and on with no exchange. About a half an hour in I’d like to point out this isn’t the opening monologue for a later night talk show and even they limit themselves to around five minutes.
Try the 50% Rule
So are we losing the art of talking or the art of listening? Talk between friends isn’t soliloquy – it’s a dialog where both parties offer information about themselves and are listened to with genuine interest. Is anyone doing this anymore?
Yeah, you’ve got a great story to tell, but allow yourself to be diverted and ask questions about what your friend just threw out there and show some interest. Catch yourself when you’re on a roll with a monologue. Have enough respect for those around you to listen fifty percent of the time.
Maybe you won’t have a chance to get back to finishing your great story, but maybe you’ll have chance to do something much better – listen to a friend who needs to be truly heard.
