About Life After Death Diaries

Why life after death diaries?

I chose the name because in the course of my life I have died twice. No I’m not some sort of latter day Lazarus – my physical body hasn’t expired yet. What has died, or I guess I should say almost died, was my spirit. The only reason I am here writing this is that a tiny little flicker of my spirit stayed alive long enough for me to change my circumstances or heal enough for it to burst forth again.

The first time I died it was at the hands of my mother who, little did I know then, had a raging case of narcissistic personality disorder. She had what I affectionately refer to (that was sarcasm, by the way) as malignant narcissism based on the fact it metastasized and spread it’s infection into every molecule of our dysfunctional family life.

In our little group of four she decided I was to be the one she scapegoated – she made darn sure I would not only be no competition for her princess position, but did everything in her power to ensure I would have a life sentence as her maidservant.

My poor little spirit was a tad beaten up by growing up with her and it took me a long time to peel off the damage she caused. To be truthful, I’m still working on it.

My second death occurred the moment I heard my only child was dead. In the blink of an eye I not only lost the child I loved more than life itself but, for all intents and purposes, the person I was too. Once again every bright, bubbly aspect (and so much more) of my personality went away and I thought it was gone forever. It took a lot of years and a lot of healing, but that fun little girl came back to me and is still with me.

Both events left me in a brain fog and in my life after death I didn’t make  the most intelligent choices and spent a lot of years slogging my way back to sunlight after being mired down in the muck of despair and bottomless sorrow.

But the good news is that no matter how bad life gets, as long as the heart keeps beating there really can be life after death. That when the circumstances of life have taken everything from you, there is still hope.

It hasn’t always been pretty, but I can definitely say it’s been an adventure.